Onwards we go, with another bunch of films. On the whole, these are better than the ones reviewed in Part I, although some duffers may have slipped through that are just as bad or even worse. (My division of these reviews into Parts I, II, etc., is essentially pragmatic; i.e., so that I don't have to face such a dauntingly huge list of films to be reviewed.)
Confetti (Debbie Isitt, 2006)
British comedy mockumentary about three couples competing to win a glossy-magazine-sponsored 'Most Original Wedding of the Year' competition. Given the wealth of British comedy acting talent involved, it's probably not as funny (or as dark) as it should have been, but it's reasonably watchable stuff.
Failure to Launch (Tom Dey, 2006)
Predictable rom-com about which I now recall very little.
Flightplan (Robert Schwentke, 2005)
Moderately engaging psychological thriller that probably would have sucked balls without someone like Jodie Foster putting in a committed performance (although her presence, and the endless running around, does make it feel a bit like a remake of Panic Room on a plane).
Good Night, and Good Luck (George Clooney, 2005)
Stylish, interesting, and enlightenting portrayal of the efforts of CBS broadcaster Edward R Murrow and his team to criticise and undermine McCarthy and McCarthyism in the 1950s.
The Hills Have Eyes (Wes Craven, 1977)
Mediocre. I was expecting something substantially more brutal and harrowing from a film released just three years after The Texas Chain Saw Massacre, but I was disappointed. Then again, I should have known that Wes Craven cannot deliver genuine horror; only a mild form of cheese-laden suspense.
Hollywoodland (Allen Coulter, 2006)
Private dick drama centering around the mysterious death (officially a suicide) of George Reeves, the actor who first played Superman on TV in the 1950s. It hasn't exactly stuck in my mind, which is never a good sign, but from what I can remember, Adrien Brody puts in a good performance as the detective hired by Reeves's mother to investigate his death.
Hot Fuzz (Edgar Wright, 2007)
As a fan of Spaced and Shaun of the Dead, I had high expectations for this film. But whereas those two earlier works appealed to me through their non-mainstream references to comics, sci-fi, console games, recreational drug use, horror films, and the like, Hot Fuzz adopts a much more populist genre - the cop/buddy/action film - as its inspiration. Not being a particularly big fan of this genre, the references left me feeling distinctly cold and disconnected. The Wicker-Man-esque storyline was pitifully weak, and it all dragged on way too long.
Huo Yuan Jia (aka Fearless) (Ronny Yu, 2006)
I guess Jet Li's getting a bit old now, so it's increasingly necessary to CGI / undercrank / severely cut the action to keep it fast. It works OK, but is nothing spectacular.
The Ice Harvest (Harold Ramis, 2005)
Yet another twisty noirish crime caper. This one comes across like a blatant (but failed) attempt to replicate the style of the Coen brothers. The pairing of Billy Bob Thornton and John Cusack also makes it feels like Ramis is trying to recreate the dynamic they brought to Pushing Tin. In summary: derivative.
Ils (aka Them) (David Moreau & Xavier Palud, 2006)
A French horror film which is allegedly, but from what I can gather probably not, based on actual events. It starts promisingly enough, but turns out to be not much more than an extended footchase sequence. And because of the misleading way in which the story is presented, one can't help but feel mildly Shyamalanned.*
[*Shyamalan (verb): to intentionally misdirect an audience from the truth about what's happening in a film by using sounds, images, sequences of events (etc.) that are in fact inconsistent with that truth. Hence: (i) Mild Shyamalanning: a type of Shyamalanning used to add mystery and drama that would otherwise be absent; (ii) Strong Shyamalanning: an extreme form of Shyamalanning designed to conceal the final twist upon which the effectiveness of one's entire film rests.]
Jack Ketchum's The Girl Next Door (Gregory Wilson, 2007)
Adaptation of a book based on the torture and murder of Sylvia Likens in 1960s Indiana. Considered as a true story, it's undoubtedly a shocking and disturbing case, but this attempt to transform it into a horror film somehow lessens the impact. I'm only speculating here, but it's almost as if the film-makers couldn't help but hold themselves back, not wishing to revel in the nasty details out of respect for the real-life tragedy. If that's the case, then it's questionable whether they should have made a horror film at all. Horror films are an intentionally over-the-top form of entertainment, the point of which is precisely to revel in (and, more often than not, have fun with) nasty details. If a film-maker finds it inappropriate to treat a particular subject-matter in this way, then they should really be doing something different (making a serious documentary, for example). Then again, maybe I'm completely misreading the whole thing. It could merely be a bad attempt to make an all-out horror flick.
Jeepers Creepers (Victor Salva, 2001)
Silly monster-based horror film which starts promisingly but offers nothing original.
Kakushi Ken Oni No Tsume (aka The Hidden Blade) (Yōji Yamada, 2004)
Period melodrama focusing on the life of a low-ranking samurai and his immediate family in the mid-nineteenth century. Thematically, it's very similar to Yamada's Tasogare Seibei (aka The Twilight Samurai), but is unfortunately nowhere near as well-executed or as interesting. The most enjoyable and historically illuminating scenes are those in which the local samurai clan grudgingly undertake lessons in new-fangled Western military techniques, such as marching in formation, sprinting (samurai were not accustomed to running in the Western style) and operating a cannon. Other than that, the film is overly sentimental, and too long by half.
The Matador (Richard Shepard, 2005)
Yet another film I can't remember much about. I suppose I should have grouped these into a short list of their own. As with Syriana, reviewed in Part I, I was hoping that a browse through the synopses on IMDb would resuscitate some dormant memories and enable me to rattle off a few quick comments. But no. Therefore: Verdict: Forgettable.
Memoirs of a Geisha (Rob Marshall, 2005)
Oh Christ, here's another one that's faded almost entirely from my memory. Apologies, then, for all of these non-reviews. (My current backlog contains some films that I watched as long ago as the summer of 2006, so I'm bound to draw some blanks). All I remember in this case is: it was extremely sappy, and annoyed me with its obvious self-conscious striving to appear 'epic'.
Mibu Gishi Den (aka When the Last Sword is Drawn) (Yojiro Takita, 2003)
Another samurai period drama. Similar to Kakushi Ken Oni No Tsume (aka The Hidden Blade), insofar as it's historically interesting, contains solidly written characters / relationships, and is by no means unwatchable, but suffers from being overly long and melodramatic.
My Super Ex-Girlfriend (Ivan Reitman, 2006)
Surprisingly funny and, for my money, certainly preferable to most of the 'serious' superhero films that have dribbled out of Hollywood's arse in recent years.
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest (Gore Verbinski, 2006)
Big budget blockbuster nonsense made palatable only by Depp's somewhat enjoyable buffoonery.
Proof (John Madden, 2005)
Maths-based mystery drama which succeeds in telling an interesting tale, but isn't half as clever as its own lofty atmosphere tends to suggest.
Scary Movie 4 (David Zucker, 2006)
These films are hardly the pinnacle of cinematic genius, but as a fan of horror films I quite enjoy the spoofs. Let's just call it a guilty pleasure and move quickly on ...
Sennen Joyū (aka Millenium Actress) (Satoshi Kon, 2001)
A reasonably creative and enjoyable anime adventure. But it's far too gentle and slushy for my liking. Nowhere near as dark, challenging, and absorbing as Kon's Mōsō Dairinin (aka Paranoia Agent).
16 Blocks (Richard Donner, 2006)
If you can allow the extreme silliness of it all to wash over you, then there's a fair amount of mindless entertainment to be derived here.
Starter for 10 (Tom Vaughan, 2006)
Tame and predictable 1980s-set British comedy which purports to be about a team of students preparing to compete in University Challenge, but loses its focus by deviating into too many unimaginative side-plots.
Storm Warning (Jamie Blanks, 2007)
Another variation on the ever-popular Stranded in the Wilderness with Psychopaths theme (for more on which, see this review). The main problem with this particular contribution to the genre is the amount of time that elapses before the outbreak of any substantial violence. The characters and dialogue are much too weak to sustain such a lengthy delay. What should, according to the grammar of the genre, have been a period of gradually building tension is actually a period of gradually declining credibility and interest. To be fair, once the shit hits the fan, there's some enthusiastically executed and thoroughly enjoyable splatter. But it's just slightly too little, slightly too late.
Unknown (Simon Brand, 2006)
Another variation on the recently popular Waking Up Imprisoned With No Idea How Or Why theme (for more on which, see this review). The premise of the story is fairly clever (a group of trapped characters realise that they must belong to rival hostile groups, but can't remember who belongs to which), but it suffers from the obvious defect of being ludicrously implausible (and too damned twisty for its own good). The script is also weak and unrealistic, which does no favours for the cast (featuring the always-charismatic Joey Pants) who struggle to sustain the dialogue-heavy scenes. Recommendable only if you're gagging to see yet another twist film.
Walk the Line (James Mangold, 2005)
Biopic about Johnny Cash, the main strength of which is the quality of the vocal performances put in by Phoenix and Witherspoon, who do an outstanding job of sounding like Cash and his wife, June Carter. I didn't have much prior knowledge about the pair's lives, so the film worked for me as a source of information (although I'm aware that it's been criticised for inaccuracies - see here, for example). It doesn't chart the whole of Cash's life, so the ending is a bit jarring if, like me, you were assuming you'd be given the entire story (not an unreasonable assumption, given that Cash died two years before the film's release).
The Warriors (Walter Hill, 1979)
No doubt the street gangs depicted in this film would have seemed a lot less camp and cheesy in 1979, but despite looking like a Village People fan-convention gone badly wrong, it's still quite an enjoyable ride, with a simple yet effective premise.
You, Me and Dupree (Anthony & Joe Russo, 2006)
Poor.*
[*I was considering writing a much shorter review ("No."), but in the end I opted for a slightly more explanatory choice of word.]
09 January 2008
04 January 2008
Unfinished Business, Part I
I'm running about 120 films behind schedule, so it's time to get back on track. I'll start in this post, with the worst of the bunch.
Big Nothing (Jean-Baptiste Andrea, 2006)
Uninspired crime caper in which the talents of Simon Pegg and David Schwimmer resoundlingly fail to shine forth.
Casino Royale (Martin Cambell, 2006)
Dreary mess of a film in which the makers of Bond desperately attempt (a) to keep pace with the two more recently successful J.B.s (Jack Bauer and Jason Bourne); and (b) to cash in on the recent boom in the popularity of Texas Hold 'Em, which results in a massively inaccurate representation of the game itself, along with lashings of ridiculous "let's-talk-explicitly-about-what's-happening-so-that-the-audience-understands" dialogue.
The Constant Gardener (Fernando Meirelles, 2005)
Run-of-the-mill political thriller.
Crash (Paul Haggis, 2004)
Strange film in which everyone seems to be completely obsessed by racial issues (see also Munich, discussed below). Watchable, but hard to see the point (assuming that the point is supposed to be more than simply: "Wouldn't it be nice if everyone wasn't racist?"). Earnest, maybe, but ultimately just plain silly.
Date Movie (Aaron Seltzer, 2006)
Perhaps I chuckled once or twice, but this scrapes the very bottom of the 'spoof movie' barrel.
Epic Movie (Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer, 2007)
The bottom of the barrel having been scraped clean away, we're now just digging down into the dirt and shit beneath.
Expiry Date (Karen Bird, 2006)
It's not every day that you see a Welsh comedy-horror film. If this puerile piece of shit is anything to go by, then we should all be thankful for that.
The Family Stone (Thomas Bezucha, 2005)
To be honest, nothing much about this film has stuck in my memory, other than the fact that the characters are all smackable twats whose conception of the logical space of possible political stances is primitive, dogmatic, and parochially American.
Gadkie Lebedi (aka Ugly Swans) (Konstantin Lopushansky, 2006)
Overly pretentious Russian sci-fi with plenty of atmosphere but nothing substantial to offer beyond vaguely sketched metaphors. (The book on which it's based may be better, but I honestly don't know.)
Heart of America (Uwe Boll, 2003)
I've seen three different post-Columbine high-school massacre films, and two of them were superb (Elephant and Zero Day). As Meat Loaf said, two out of three ain't bad; unlike this film, which was very bad indeed.
Inosensu: Kōkaku Kidōtai (aka Ghost in the Shell 2: Innocence) (Mamoru Oshii, 2004)
Boring anime sequel about robots, or something.
The Lives of the Saints (Chris Cottam & Rankin, 2006)
There's no story here at all, just a vague idea for one. For the first 60 minutes, it seems like it might go somewhere; but this is merely an illusion which dissipates over the final 30 minutes, leaving only the cold realisation that people actually fund pointless shit like this.
La Marche de L'Empereur (aka March of the Penguins) (Luc Jacquet, 2005)
I disliked this for two reasons: first, the subject matter has already been covered with greater competence (by, e.g., Attenborough's Life in the Freezer); second, the interpretation and explanation of the penguins' behaviour is naively anthropomorphic and shockingly non-scientific. The tagline says it all, really: In the harshest place on Earth, love finds a way.
Munich (Steven Spielberg, 2005)
I don't feel qualified to comment on the relationship between this film and the historical events on which it's based. And I don't have anything to say about the politics of it all; then or now. I disliked it because of the characters, who are depressingly obsessed with issues of race, and whose self-conceptions are defined entirely by their own racial origin.* A set of cunts, the lot of them. The only thing that kept me going - throughout the excruciating two and three-quarter hours duration - was the hope that I might get to see a few of them die horribly (no joy there either, unfortunately; a few of them do indeed die, but not sufficiently horribly).
[*I suppose that this comment on the characters could be interpretable as a comment on the history or politics of the situation. Either way, that's not my intention. My reaction to the characters would have been the same had it been a work of pure fiction.]
Point Break (Kathryn Bigelow, 1991)
This was shown on TV a while ago, and I watched it out of curiosity, since it was so heavily referenced in Hot Fuzz. Prior to this, I'd had no inclination to watch it, because I'd assumed it would be shit. And I was right.
Rescue Dawn (Werner Herzog, 2006)
Considering that this is the work of a world-renowned director, it's very disappointing. It's a plain, simple, straightforward Vietnam POW escape story. It's neither badly directed nor badly acted; it's just dull, and rather old-fashioned (I mean, seriously, who makes Vietnam films these days?). If you edited in a couple of scenes featuring the main character's family, and coloured the credits in yellow, then you could easily mistake it for a made-for-daytime-TV melodrama with a housewife-heartstring-tugging title along the lines of Mommy, When Is Daddy Coming Home?
Serenity (Joss Whedon, 2005)
God-awful rip-off of various aspects of the Star Wars films in conjunction with several other well-worn sci-fi elements, to be duly fawned over by Joss Whedon's fuck-witted Buffy-loving army of inexplicably existent fans.
Syriana (Stephen Gaghan, 2005)
So tedious I can't remember a god-damned thing about it. Even after reading a few online synopses, my memory remains steadfastly blank. Apart from Clooney's beard. That, I do remember. Unfortunately, a well-remembered beard doth not a memorable movie make.
Thank You For Smoking (Jason Reitman, 2005)
Some films based on books seem to scream: THIS IS A SCREENPLAY ADAPTED FROM A NOVEL! I'm not always exactly sure why this is, but I guess it often has to do with the presence of narration-heavy sequences of fast-edited no-dialogue shots. You can almost feel the hand of the screenwriter at work, struggling to transform a story told in an essentially linguistic medium into a story told in a principally visual medium. As far as I'm concerned, this is a mark of cinematic failure. It's a shame, because this film does feature a few very funny scenes, especially one where tobacco industry spin-doctor Nick Naylor discusses with movie producer Jeff Megall a possible product-placement deal:
Megall: Sony has a futuristic sci-fi movie they're looking to make.
Naylor: Cigarettes in space?
Megall: It's the final frontier, Nick.
Naylor: But wouldn't they blow up in an all oxygen environment?
Megall: Probably. But it's an easy fix. One line of dialogue. 'Thank God we invented the ... you know, whatever device.'
36 Quai des Orfèvres (aka Department 36) (Olivier Marchal, 2004) I'd heard that this was like a French version of Heat but, as we all know, you shouldn't believe everything you hear. Heat is one of the best films ever made. This isn't.
Unrest (Jason Todd Ipson, 2006)
Stupid story about a cursed cadaver ending up in a medical school. Not in the least bit scary. I've felt more tension waiting to hear a valuation on the Antiques Roadshow.
V for Vendetta (James McTeigue, 2005)
Sort of like The Crow crossed with Equilibrium, but not as good as either. The main character is thoroughly annoying, and the politics are too facile to be worthy of serious discussion.
Volver (Pedro Almodovar, 2006)
This could have been interesting, but it all added up to nothing much in particular. I've had it with Almodovar. All his films are disappointing slices of nothingness. Verdict: do NOT vote for Pedro.
Big Nothing (Jean-Baptiste Andrea, 2006)
Uninspired crime caper in which the talents of Simon Pegg and David Schwimmer resoundlingly fail to shine forth.
Casino Royale (Martin Cambell, 2006)
Dreary mess of a film in which the makers of Bond desperately attempt (a) to keep pace with the two more recently successful J.B.s (Jack Bauer and Jason Bourne); and (b) to cash in on the recent boom in the popularity of Texas Hold 'Em, which results in a massively inaccurate representation of the game itself, along with lashings of ridiculous "let's-talk-explicitly-about-what's-happening-so-that-the-audience-understands" dialogue.
The Constant Gardener (Fernando Meirelles, 2005)
Run-of-the-mill political thriller.
Crash (Paul Haggis, 2004)
Strange film in which everyone seems to be completely obsessed by racial issues (see also Munich, discussed below). Watchable, but hard to see the point (assuming that the point is supposed to be more than simply: "Wouldn't it be nice if everyone wasn't racist?"). Earnest, maybe, but ultimately just plain silly.
Date Movie (Aaron Seltzer, 2006)
Perhaps I chuckled once or twice, but this scrapes the very bottom of the 'spoof movie' barrel.
Epic Movie (Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer, 2007)
The bottom of the barrel having been scraped clean away, we're now just digging down into the dirt and shit beneath.
Expiry Date (Karen Bird, 2006)
It's not every day that you see a Welsh comedy-horror film. If this puerile piece of shit is anything to go by, then we should all be thankful for that.
The Family Stone (Thomas Bezucha, 2005)
To be honest, nothing much about this film has stuck in my memory, other than the fact that the characters are all smackable twats whose conception of the logical space of possible political stances is primitive, dogmatic, and parochially American.
Gadkie Lebedi (aka Ugly Swans) (Konstantin Lopushansky, 2006)
Overly pretentious Russian sci-fi with plenty of atmosphere but nothing substantial to offer beyond vaguely sketched metaphors. (The book on which it's based may be better, but I honestly don't know.)
Heart of America (Uwe Boll, 2003)
I've seen three different post-Columbine high-school massacre films, and two of them were superb (Elephant and Zero Day). As Meat Loaf said, two out of three ain't bad; unlike this film, which was very bad indeed.
Inosensu: Kōkaku Kidōtai (aka Ghost in the Shell 2: Innocence) (Mamoru Oshii, 2004)
Boring anime sequel about robots, or something.
The Lives of the Saints (Chris Cottam & Rankin, 2006)
There's no story here at all, just a vague idea for one. For the first 60 minutes, it seems like it might go somewhere; but this is merely an illusion which dissipates over the final 30 minutes, leaving only the cold realisation that people actually fund pointless shit like this.
La Marche de L'Empereur (aka March of the Penguins) (Luc Jacquet, 2005)
I disliked this for two reasons: first, the subject matter has already been covered with greater competence (by, e.g., Attenborough's Life in the Freezer); second, the interpretation and explanation of the penguins' behaviour is naively anthropomorphic and shockingly non-scientific. The tagline says it all, really: In the harshest place on Earth, love finds a way.
Munich (Steven Spielberg, 2005)
I don't feel qualified to comment on the relationship between this film and the historical events on which it's based. And I don't have anything to say about the politics of it all; then or now. I disliked it because of the characters, who are depressingly obsessed with issues of race, and whose self-conceptions are defined entirely by their own racial origin.* A set of cunts, the lot of them. The only thing that kept me going - throughout the excruciating two and three-quarter hours duration - was the hope that I might get to see a few of them die horribly (no joy there either, unfortunately; a few of them do indeed die, but not sufficiently horribly).
[*I suppose that this comment on the characters could be interpretable as a comment on the history or politics of the situation. Either way, that's not my intention. My reaction to the characters would have been the same had it been a work of pure fiction.]
Point Break (Kathryn Bigelow, 1991)
This was shown on TV a while ago, and I watched it out of curiosity, since it was so heavily referenced in Hot Fuzz. Prior to this, I'd had no inclination to watch it, because I'd assumed it would be shit. And I was right.
Rescue Dawn (Werner Herzog, 2006)
Considering that this is the work of a world-renowned director, it's very disappointing. It's a plain, simple, straightforward Vietnam POW escape story. It's neither badly directed nor badly acted; it's just dull, and rather old-fashioned (I mean, seriously, who makes Vietnam films these days?). If you edited in a couple of scenes featuring the main character's family, and coloured the credits in yellow, then you could easily mistake it for a made-for-daytime-TV melodrama with a housewife-heartstring-tugging title along the lines of Mommy, When Is Daddy Coming Home?
Serenity (Joss Whedon, 2005)
God-awful rip-off of various aspects of the Star Wars films in conjunction with several other well-worn sci-fi elements, to be duly fawned over by Joss Whedon's fuck-witted Buffy-loving army of inexplicably existent fans.
Syriana (Stephen Gaghan, 2005)
So tedious I can't remember a god-damned thing about it. Even after reading a few online synopses, my memory remains steadfastly blank. Apart from Clooney's beard. That, I do remember. Unfortunately, a well-remembered beard doth not a memorable movie make.
Thank You For Smoking (Jason Reitman, 2005)
Some films based on books seem to scream: THIS IS A SCREENPLAY ADAPTED FROM A NOVEL! I'm not always exactly sure why this is, but I guess it often has to do with the presence of narration-heavy sequences of fast-edited no-dialogue shots. You can almost feel the hand of the screenwriter at work, struggling to transform a story told in an essentially linguistic medium into a story told in a principally visual medium. As far as I'm concerned, this is a mark of cinematic failure. It's a shame, because this film does feature a few very funny scenes, especially one where tobacco industry spin-doctor Nick Naylor discusses with movie producer Jeff Megall a possible product-placement deal:
Megall: Sony has a futuristic sci-fi movie they're looking to make.
Naylor: Cigarettes in space?
Megall: It's the final frontier, Nick.
Naylor: But wouldn't they blow up in an all oxygen environment?
Megall: Probably. But it's an easy fix. One line of dialogue. 'Thank God we invented the ... you know, whatever device.'
36 Quai des Orfèvres (aka Department 36) (Olivier Marchal, 2004) I'd heard that this was like a French version of Heat but, as we all know, you shouldn't believe everything you hear. Heat is one of the best films ever made. This isn't.
Unrest (Jason Todd Ipson, 2006)
Stupid story about a cursed cadaver ending up in a medical school. Not in the least bit scary. I've felt more tension waiting to hear a valuation on the Antiques Roadshow.
V for Vendetta (James McTeigue, 2005)
Sort of like The Crow crossed with Equilibrium, but not as good as either. The main character is thoroughly annoying, and the politics are too facile to be worthy of serious discussion.
Volver (Pedro Almodovar, 2006)
This could have been interesting, but it all added up to nothing much in particular. I've had it with Almodovar. All his films are disappointing slices of nothingness. Verdict: do NOT vote for Pedro.
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